Blogging and Nighttime and Spiders, Oh My!

So... here it is... the post you've all been waiting for... THE FREAKING SPIDER POST!

So... those of you that know me might think I'm overstating the obvious a bit when I say, "I FREAKING HATE SPIDERS!!!!"

Not one, but TWO people sent me this lovely picture saying that it reminded them of me.  How true!

In Pennsylvania, in the fall, the spiders come out... or rather, they try to come in!  Lately, I've been trying to get home well before nightfall.  The reason being that my house seems to be the cool hangout for Giant House Spiders*.  That is their actual name, so that should tell you I'm not exaggerating about their size.  You see, Giant House Spiders are hunting spiders, meaning they do not trap prey in a web, but rather, they come out at night to look for spider yum-yums.  Well, apparently, there are quite A LOT of spider yum-yums around my house... A WHOLE FREAKING LOT OF SPIDER YUM-YUMS... because when I get home I am greeted by AT LEAST 10 spiders just waiting by my door.  Trying to gain entrance, trying to catch food, trying to murder me in my sleep... I can't really be sure, but regardless, THEY MUST ALL DIE!  Most nights I can avoid this spider onslaught, but Thursday nights are my late nights (I have a 3-hour long class, and the commute is 45 minutes both ways, so I do not get home till around 9:00... which is AFTER NIGHTFALL).  On Thursday nights, this encounter is unavoidable (but apparently quite entertaining for my neighbors).

A few weeks ago, I came home to find so many spiders that I had just had ENOUGH!  I decided to kill all those 8-legged demons... and kill them good!  Well, I figured since there were like 10 on my one porch that there were probably like 10 more on the front porch, so I would kill them, too!  On my way to the other porch (note to self: get rid of extra porches... less porches = less spiders), going through the house, I spotted yet ANOTHER spider who had gotten into the house (but didn't make it back out alive... muah ha ha).  While I was on my spider hunt, I could hear my neighbors on THEIR porch laughing hysterically.  Perhaps it was because I was still in my high heels and dress clothes, stomping on some spiders at 9 p.m.  Perhaps it was because I was DDT-ing my whole house... at 9 p.m.  Perhaps it was the fact that I was screaming "Die!" and "Demon!" each and every time I killed one of those hell beasts.  Or maybe they were on the phone, or laughing at each other, but I am paranoid, so they were MOST DEFINITELY laughing at me!

Well, for the past week or so, even though I've tried to make sure that I'm home before nightfall, the problem is MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN LEAVING FOR WORK AT NIGHTFALL!  So, when I go to kiss him good-bye... SPIDER ATTACK!  Seriously, they all race to see who can make it into the house (note:  Giant House Spiders are supposedly THE fastest moving spider, according to the interwebs, at an impressive, a.k.a deadly, speed of about a foot and a half PER SECOND... PER FREAKING SECOND)!  Well, most of these spiders, try as they might, end up as skid marks on our porch, which should serve as a warning to all others that "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" but these spiders are so set on getting their yum-yums that they don't seem to care.

Now, typically, I am greeted by these Giant House Spiders, like this guy.

However, let me just note that he is actually quite small compared to the average House Spider we find on our porch.  For a size reference, that bottom trim on the siding is just under an inch wide.  He's about that size, so he's pretty small (like the size of a quarter).

But tonight, I was in for an extra special treat when I was greeted by this fellow.  This, my blog-tastic friends, is the first OFFICIAL Wolf Spider I have spotted at our house.

People always say that, when they have big spiders at their house, they have Wolf Spiders, but I am willing to bet that they probably, more often than not, have the run-of-the-mill Giant House Spiders.  This guy... a house spider he was NOT.  Again, a size reference... that trim is just under an inch wide.  That would make this bad boy about 2+ inches in size!  Another size reference:  that is a maple tree seed spinner underneath the siding, so if you can picture how big they are... he was not much smaller than that.  If you look at actual Wolf Spider pictures, this guy matches that color pattern perfectly... TOO PERFECTLY!  Thank goodness hubby arrived just in time to kill this guy for me!  I was NOT looking forward to that crunch-tastic delight.

Please note that in both photos THEIR EYES ARE FREAKING GLOWING FROM THE FLASH!

So, laugh at me ALL you want, but at least now you can see that I am NOT exaggerating.  Little spiders I can handle.  Do I like them?  No... but I can handle them.  These guys... they're the kind that will keep you up at night... because they are plotting the demise of mankind!


P.S.  Speaking of the husband working the late shift... It NEVER fails!  When Shawn is working a stretch of midnights, this is me:

Source: hundredsofhilariouspics.com via Katharine on Pinterest

Or, you know... spiders...

*Since this post was originally written, I have done further research on spiders commonly found in Pennsylvania.  This was mostly prompted by me becoming a mother and wanting to make sure these spiders could not potentially cause harm to my son.  After this research, I have come to suspect that the spiders we deal with at my house are more likely to be Barn Funnel Weaver Spiders.  As fast, big, and creepy as these guys are, their bites have not been known to be harmful to humans at all, and they are typically only known to bite when someone attempts to hold or trap them (which will never be a problem for me).  Apparently they are big scaredy cats... er, spiders.